Signs That Your Partner No Longer Loves You

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How to Know if Your Partner Is Having an Emotional Affair

Four Methods:

Emotional affairs occur when two people get close and intimate on an emotional level instead of a physical one. Though there is no sex involved, they are still considered breaches of trust between you and your partner. To know if your partner is having an emotional affair, notice if your partner is drifting away or has stopped sharing things with you, look for any inappropriate texting or phone calls, and watch for any secretive behavior.


Recognizing Emotional Distance

  1. Determine if sex has changed.Though an emotional affair is not physical, the feelings involved in it can cause a physical rift between you and your partner. You may have less sex with your partner than you did before, or the sex may change and become less intimate and more routine.
    • For example, your partner may rush through sex, not hold you, barely look at you, and not stick around afterwards.
    • Sometimes guilt may cause a person to initiate sex more often, or to lavish you with attention, gifts, or in other ways.
  2. Figure out if your partner is pulling away.People in emotional affairs may put distance between themselves and their partners. This occurs because they are worried that they might get caught or say something about the other person. If your partner is pulling away or not talking to you, they may be having an emotional affair.
    • Take a look at what your partner does around you. Do they go to bed early, spend time working at night, or no longer want to do things together?
  3. Notice changes in what your partner says to you.When people have emotional affairs, they start talking to the other person instead of you about things. You may start to see differences in what your partner says to you. Maybe they don’t tell you about things you used to talk about often, or you notice they are quieter and share less than they used to.
    • For example, your partner might have told you random things about their day, but now they barely talk about their day. This can be a sign of an emotional affair.
    • If you find out about things after the fact when you know they are important to your partner may mean they are telling someone else, especially if you know they are close with someone else.
    • Changes in your partner’s attitude and tone towards you can also indicate a problem. Consider whether they have started reacting to you with irritation or speaking to you in a condescending tone.
  4. Watch for gaslighting.Gaslighting is an abuse tactic where the abuser tries to convince the victim that their version of reality is inaccurate or even crazy. If your partner frequently tells you that your thoughts are incorrect or crazy and attempts to paint a very different picture than what you are observing, then they may be using gaslighting to deceive you.

Noticing Signs of Secretive Behavior

  1. Look for any secret interactions with another person.If your partner is having an emotional affair they may not tell you about all their contact with the other person. They may stop being at home as much because they are meeting with the other person.
    • You may also notice that they talk on the phone, text, or chat online with people and don’t mention it. If asked, they may evade answering by saying they are talking to “no one,” “a friend,” or “a co-worker.”
  2. Decide if your partner is trying to hide their interaction with the person.If your partner is having an emotional affair, they may start trying to hide their interactions. This might mean they delete call logs or texts, they go somewhere private when they talk on the phone, or they never let you around them and the other person.
    • Your partner may not want you to see how they are with the other person because they act differently.
  3. Notice if your partner is dressing differently.Even though emotional affairs are not physical, that doesn’t mean someone in an emotional affair doesn’t want to impress the other person. Often, people in emotional affairs will dress up before seeing the person, wear perfume or cologne, and start changing things to make themselves more attractive.
    • Notice if your partner has changed the way they look recently. This could be due to an emotional affair.
    • If your partner has started to dress differently to go to work, the gym, or to a business dinner, it could be a sign.
  4. Pay attention to your intuition.Often, you know when something isn’t right in your relationship. This may be the case if your partner is having an emotional affair. If you start to notice a difference in the way your partner talks about someone or you feel like the relationship isn’t just friendship, your intuition may be right.
    • If you feel like something is going on, then you want to look for other signs. Don’t go on just your intuition alone, but don’t ignore it either.
    • Another red flag to watch out for is if you advise your partner to be careful about developing a close friendship with someone else and they laugh at you or get defensive.

Evaluating Your Partner’s Interactions With The Other Person

  1. Watch for inappropriate behavior or drastic changes in behavior.People who enter into emotional affairs sometimes engage in behavior that can be considered problematic or dramatically different from how they usually act. These behaviors can take various forms. Look for anything that is too intimate or personal between your partner and the other person.
    • For example, your partner may text the person often. They may also call the other person. This often happens at night, and may even be done secretly. Look for anything that your partner shouldn’t be doing with someone.
    • You may also notice changes in your partner’s behavior such as staying up later, going into work earlier, spending more money, or drinking alcohol more often.
  2. Notice if your partner’s behavior is different around the other person.Emotional affairs often give people an outlet to be different or act differently than they do around their partners. If you have contact with your partner and the person you suspect they are having an affair with, watch their interactions. Look for any differences from the way they act with you.
    • For example, your partner may feel emotionally distant from you due to everyday stresses like bills, work, and home responsibilities. With this other person, they may be able to laugh, be relaxed, and be more playful. However, they might also because anxious or uncomfortable when they are around the person in your presence.
  3. Listen to what your partner says about the person.As an emotional affair progresses, your partner may start comparing you to the other person, or they may start to express frustration with things about you that they have never mentioned before. The comments may be random and not meant maliciously, but they may still point to your partner thinking about the other person.
    • For example, your partner may say, “They think my jokes are funny,” “They like the same kind of movies I like,” or “They can run at the same pace as me.” Start noting if your partner says things like this and how often.

Addressing the Issue

  1. Talk to your partner.If you think your partner is having an emotional affair, ask them. See if they get defensive, evade, or get upset. If you don't feel comfortable outright asking, you may choose to instead ask questions about the other person.
    • Try not to accuse your partner of anything. Instead, say, "I feel you are spending a lot of time with this person. This hurts me because you are my partner, and I feel like we are not as close as we used to be."
  2. Remain calm.During this conversation, you should remain calm. You will not get anywhere if you are both angry. If your partner denies or admits the closeness to this other person, don't yell and get upset. Instead, take a deep breath before responding.
    • If your partner denies everything, then take the opportunity to discuss the problem in your relationship, like how you feel emotional distance or feel neglected.
  3. Evaluate your suspicions.You may want to figure out why you believe your partner is doing this in the first place. Have they had an emotional or physical affair before? Have other people noticed your partner's behavior? Is this based on your own issues? Determining this can help you figure out how to proceed.

Community Q&A

  • Question
    Husband just connected with childhood friend via text. He never mentioned he was married. She reminisced about how they loved to be together when they were young. My gut tells me something is wrong. What should I do?
    Top Answerer
    Always trust your gut, but follow it up with your mind. Remember that people change; she is definitely no longer the girl she was then, and the realization will likely shatter his idealized memory of her. It is the fondness of the memory they like, not the actual person behind that memory in the present. Ask to go along when they meet, there's nothing wrong with making new friends.
  • Question
    My wife has quite a few guy friends. Most of them I know are harmless. Recently she was introduced to a guy through one of her other guy friends. With this new friend she seems a little more clingy. Should I be worried?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    You should trust your wife, but you can let her know that her relationship with this new guy makes you uncomfortable.
  • Question
    A woman from his work is texting and calling and so does he. I've questioned him and he says it's work-related, but it is starting to be done in secret, and he's now doing it when I'm not around.
    Community Answer
    Then there's definitely something fishy going on. Confront him that you think he's cheating, maybe even sneak around, follow him. If he comments on your trust, call him out as being a hypocrite because, that's really what he would be.
  • Question
    My husband had an emotional affair with a younger women who was also my employee. He has stopped, but how do I deal with the situation?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Make sure you express your disappointment and hurt to your husband so he understands how his actions made you feel. It is your decision whether or not you want to forgive him, but if he doesn't seem remorseful, or if he does it again, you may want to consider marriage counseling.
  • Question
    What should I do if my fiancee has become emotionally distant and secretive?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    Pay attention to how you handle your insecurities about your relationship. If you're always worried about what your fiancee is doing, doubting what she tells you and acting jealous, she may become more secretive to protect some level of privacy. Sit down with her and calmly talk about your concerns. If you still don't feel satisfied, then be patient and try to find real proof before you act.
  • Question
    I have noticed recently my partner has started using his phone more frequently and put it on silent as well. I snooped and saw a message from another girl. I think he's looking for something else. What do I do?
    wikiHow Contributor
    Community Answer
    I don't recommend snooping. But since you already did, you should solve the problem by the roots. For example, getting jealous or things related to that lead to pain. Talk with him, explain your suspicions. You could start off by saying, "I have a reason to believe that..." If he starts denying, calmly say there is no reason to lie and that you want to solve this like the grownups that you are.
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